01.april.25
i don’t even know what’s going on anymore tbh fjdkhjfk. it feels like i got hit in the face by a brick shaped like 2022. and yesterday? just horrible. i hate feeling out of control, i hate not knowing what to do with all of this. i want to run away, but i also know better than that—not that it makes me feel any less like i’m losing it. i really thought i’d never have to feel that way again, but here i am. and now? all the empty excuses. yikes. oh well. we’ll see, i guess. i just hope it doesn’t eat at me for too long. it doesn’t help that i already had tiny doubts—because of course i did, i’m me—and now all this bullcrap on top of it. i love him, but jesus. _ □ X
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14.march.25
i’ve genuinely had… a day! for some reason, i slept till 11am — which i haven’t done since december lol. it’s not like i fell asleep any later than usual, but i guess that thing that happened is eating away at me more than i’d like to admit. i’m also very confused, so… cheers!12.march.25
i went to see the dare yesterday. it was... fun? i’m not really sure, to be honest. all i know is i’m super drained today and had to cancel my psychiatrist appointment lol. my friend last minute invited someone i don’t particularly like, and it made me feel pretty left out. to top it off, i noticed my so-called best friend unpinned me on instagram and pinned the friend that tagged along instead, which was... frustrating. we got to the venue two and a half hours before doors opened — not exactly what we agreed on. our view was great (barricade is never bad), but during the dare’s set, this girl behind us kept crushing us and shoving her phone between us to film. no matter how many times we pushed back, she didn’t get the hint and kinda ruined the vibe. oh, and the opener? weirdly sexual for no reason lmao. but hey — at least i had multiple gay panic attacks when the dare was hovering right above us!! so there’s that.
