tv log

supernatural

fully watching supernatural for the first time genuinely changed my life.

i watched the first episode last year at the start of september. i had seen an edit of sam to gold rush (one of my favorite songs ever), and honestly, i couldn’t resist. plus, it had been a long time coming, yk?

i’d seen episodes before—i think i watched season 8 with my mom and caught quite a few episodes from seasons 10-15 with my dad back in the day. so i was familiar! and, of course, as someone who was obsessed with tumblr as a teen and deep into wholock, i already knew a lot about supernatural, destiel, and, naturally, castiel was my favorite character even as a kid. so, safe to say, i quickly fell down the rabbit hole.

i was hooked immediately and started watching 7-8 episodes a day. i don’t think i’ve ever felt as at peace as i did then—having new episodes to look forward to daily and such comforting characters genuinely did wonders for my mental health. it was the best i had felt in years. i let it consume me completely.

then came the comic con announcements... and guess what? misha, jared, and mark sheppard were going. i made it my mission to finish the entire show before then (end of october), and i succeeded. i don’t think i’ve ever cried as much as i did from s15e18 to the end. (that damn carry on my wayward son flashback sequence wrecked me.)

but it wasn’t just the show itself—i got completely immersed in the fanfics, the ships, the fandom, the actors, the songs in the show... i even started writing my own fics, which helped me work through a lot of feelings. might plug my ao3 account at some point.

and misha... oh, misha. not to be parasocial as fuck (i fear i am), but he makes me feel so safe and seen. his warmth, his honesty, the way he constantly speaks out about what matters—i truly admire him. plus, seeing his charm in person, the way he looked at me... yeah. i’d drop everything for that man in a heartbeat.

also, castiel. having an autistic, gay, silly angel in love with dean winchester for 11 seasons makes a fellow autistic, gay, silly guy who fucks up everything feel very, very seen. i’ll go more in-depth once i make a whole page dedicated to supernatural lol.

anyway—thank you, supernatural and the cast. i love you.

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doctor who

doctor who is one of those shows i could watch over and over again a billion times.

there are episodes i’ve easily seen 20+ times. i can quote all of season 5. flex? or do i need therapy? probably both.

i’ve been watching doctor who since i was a little kid! i grew up on the 11th doctor and, as previously mentioned, rewatched it constantly. honestly, how did no one notice i was autistic lol? matt smith was my profile picture everywhere, and it was all i talked about for years. i was also lucky enough to meet him, which was definitely one of the highlights of my life.

but now that i’m all ‘grown up,’ i have to admit—12 is my doctor. as a kid, i didn’t really get him, and I mean, I understand why. i had only known 10 and 11, so i was used to absolute goofiness and definitely didn’t have the emotional maturity to understand 12. but eventually, i gave in, and i fell—hard. it was like looking into a mirror. the absolute terror he’s been through. the autism off the charts. being so incredibly in love with clara that he suffered for billions of years. yeah. that’s my doctor.

just like supernatural, doctor who has saved my life—more than once. when i was a kid and felt down, what did i do? put on doctor who. now, when i feel like absolute shit? what do i do? put on doctor who. in 2023, i was barely holding on, and rewatching series 5-10 pulled me back. seriously. thank you, doctor who.

and the thing is—there’s something for anything you want to feel. absolute goofiness, insane trauma, losing a loved one, losing a friend, self-isolation, racism, queerness, misogyny (not that you want to feel those, but you get what i mean). if you want to feel heard, if you want to cry like a baby for weeks, if you want to simp over hot women (WE STAN THE 13TH DOCTOR IN THIS HOUSEHOLD)—doctor who has it.

so yeah. if you hadn’t noticed, dear reader, supernatural and doctor who are my life. doctor who even launched my editing career, which helped me cope with so many feelings i was struggling with at the time. i met amazing people, got so many compliments... i’m not really into it as much anymore, but whenever i have an idea and an edit pours out of my soul, i know my followers will always be there waiting.

and here are my favorite doctor who episodes. (warning: i am a twelveclara stan to my core.)

i’ve done worse things than you can ever imagine.
and when i close my eyes i hear more screams than you can possibly think to count.
and do you know what you do with that pain? shall i tell you where to put it?
you hold it tight until it burns your hand.
and you say this: no one. else. no one else will have to live like this.
no one else will have to feel this pain.
not on my watch!

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good omens

LITERALLY WHAT THE HELLLLLLLLLLLL.

i fucking love this show on another level. actual gay rep that’s not queerbait?? david tennant??? michael sheen???? angel and demon nonsense—which, let’s be real, is so my thing??? AAAAHHH!!!!

i’m so grateful i watched season 1 when it dropped because i fell in love with it in seconds. the storytelling? perfect. and then season 2? a whole different beast. i was up at 6am bingeing it, and seeing them kiss while being completely sleep-deprived probably made it hit way harder than it should have lol.

also, just...imagine pining for someone for 6000+ years. i cannot believe this show is real. the mini-episodes?? EVERYTHING. the different styles, time periods, aesthetics—god.

but of course, metatron is a bitch and ruined everything. just like in supernatural.

quick shoutout to aziracrow fanfics, though, because some of the best fics i’ve ever read were about them. they even kickstarted my ao3 journey back in the day.

can’t wait for the movie. :)

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fleabag

fleabag makes me feel very seen.

it’s rare to come across a piece of media where the main character is this raw and messy without the entire universe tearing them apart. so we stan!!!

to me, she’s an incredible representation of what it’s like to live with ptsd—maybe even bpd. and living with that? it’s not easy. it makes you wnat to rip your throat out. i just like seeing someone completely lose it because, girl, me too.

also, the hot priest? very very hot. plus the symbolism, the tragedy, the way it just ends on that note—it’ll pass. because everything really does. and i kind of love that.

i feel like i have more to say about this show, but the brain is not braining, so i’ll be coming back to this later.

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one day

i can’t think about this fucking show too much or i’ll spiral into a full-on existential crisis.

this is what love and grief feel like. i don’t think i’ll ever rewatch it, because when i did, i was going through one of the hardest things i’ve ever faced—and it really resonated.

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the i.t. crowd

this show is my go-to whenever i need a good dose of silly autism men, comfort, and unhinged laughter—because what even??? some episodes are just outright ridiculous, and that’s exactly why i love it so much. like, yeah, there’s a vampire in a secret room??? why not?

also, i’m just completely in love with matt berry and richard ayoade...

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